The Wendt Museum Newsletter

Work was recently suspended in converting the women’s restroom into a visiting artists gallery ( Women never visit our museum anyway, why ever would we need a room for them to rest in: let them rest outside) . Workers complained of being overcome with noxious maritime defecation odors; giving credence to the old axiom, "Don’t work where you shit"

The ever so metrosexual Madame Oglepuss recently handled the museum fundraisers, hosting a large set of balls. Previously, the doyenne was accustomed to holding much smaller balls, but some money changed hands in a Rodeo Drive plastic surgery clinic and now she is able to boast much larger productions. The museum was pleased with her philanthropy of $1.74 and two unopened packages of Four Seasons Hotel cocktail beverage napkins.

Our esteemed fine arts chairperson, Anso St. Cyr, is actively engaged in our "Life is Art" exhibit. Mr St. Cyr has carefully spent the last 3 months interviewing the first candidate; uh,uh "Brian." Brian understands this selection is a lengthy process and has taken up residence at the Museum working very hard; we hear often until late in the night. Our nightwatchmen Horatio Phlem stated he doesn’t mind as long as they do not disturb the horses.

Look forward to the spring opening of our exhibition " A slice of time in decomposition: extractions from International land fills" . Our founder states, "If you think you have experienced piles, we assure you, you have never seen piles like this !"

Finally we ask for your patience at the delayed opening of our collection of twentieth century weed whackers. Cicumstance beyond our control has prevented it. Museum patron Archibald McLeash was injured in a freak accident yesterday during a preview showing by Museum Dominatrix Leticia (Lash) LaRue. Details are sparse, but Mr McLeash was rushed to the hospital with multiple lacerations all over his torso. Ms LaRue was overcome with emotion, and unable to clarify the happenstance, but other museum patrons report hearing someone screaming "more, More", and "kneel, bitch" prior to the discovery. The exhibit will open as soon as the museum establishes a foundation to fund the gasoline.